Sweet Holden

As most of you know, we've been working on some issues with Holden for some time now.  We started to notice that he wasn't hitting certain developmental milestones, he has issues with certain foods and oral sensitivities, and he has a lack of speech, only being able to communicate a handful of words to us.

We started before he was two years old, with a combination of speech and feeding therapy.  He showed major improvements in his eating habits, but the speech was still not there.  At the urging of a wonderful child psychiatrist recommended by our pediatrician, we switched therapists with a focus on speech and occupational therapies.

After so long, we finally had some clues into our little guys head.  The therapist explained that Holden is extremely sensory seeking on the sensory processing disorder spectrum.  Basically, Holden cannot focus on anything, (its like having an extreme form of ADHD), until his system is regulated through extreme sensory activities.  Types of activities can be anywhere from spinning around, swinging, throwing himself onto beanbags, burrowing under couch cushions, and bouncing on therapy balls.  This made so much sense to us!  Holden has never been able to sit still, and even as a small child, he wanted to be bundled and held all the time.  Once we knew how to help Holden, we started to see a HUGE change in his behavior.  His eye contact and overall focus was extremely improved.  As his therapist explained, it's hard for Holden to learn how to speak if he's never paying attention to someone in order to mimic said speech.

Now, we are clued into his behavior.  We know when he's frustrated, that he either needs space, or to run around and fulfill his sensory needs, and now we know how to help him.

Armed with these answers, we thought it was time to have Holden evaluated by the school system to see what kind of help he would qualify for.  About five months ago, we took Holden to an evaluation at the Katy ISD school district.  After an hour of play, and questions posed by four different professionals in various fields, the group recommended Holden for the Early Childhood Autism Program at our local Elementary School.  Although this was always something that we knew would come out, it was a shocking and devastating blow to both Jordan and I.  It's just a word, but when someone places that word on your child, like an unwanted label, it becomes truly terrifying.

A million questions came up in the next couple of days.  It was very hard to come to grips with.  While Holden didn't speak, there were so many things he did that just weren't characteristic with autism.  He doesn't make great eye contact, but he does make eye contact.  He responds to his name, not every time, but most of the time.  And he's extremely lovey and cuddly.  Also, he's trying desperately to speak.  As his therapist has explained, his oral muscles are not where they should be, which is making it hard for him to make the correct sounds to form words.

I can't deny that our sweet boy is somewhere on the spectrum.  He definitely is.  But I wonder, how many of us would have been on the spectrum if autism was as widely diagnosed as it is today.  Whatever the case may be, we have huge hopes and confidence in Holden's future.  We can't predict the road ahead, Holden may start speaking in complete sentences in a couple months, and shock us all.  One thing is for certain, there is no one word that will ever describe my little boy.  He is happy, funny, curious, sweet, kind, fearless, smart, stubborn, focused and fiercely loved.    

Although he may not be able to speak, I know that he's happy by his uncontrollable giggles.  I know that he needs his Momma when he runs up to me and demands for me to pick him up, or snuggle him by physically moving my body to make it possible.  And, I know that he's trying to communicate with me when he literally moves his face so that it is right in front of mine, eyes locked with my own, in order to get my attention.  We won't get hung up on the word "autism".  Holden is his own perfect little person.  There is nothing wrong with him.  Maybe he learns differently - but don't we all?  We are so proud of him everyday, and we can't wait to see what he'll surprise us with next.